Gay Man Seeks Advice on Enforcing Sexual Limits After Unsettling Hookup

In a recent letter to a sex-advice column, a 45-year-old gay man from a small Midwestern city recounts a hookup that turned awkward after he repeatedly refused anal sex, a boundary he had listed in his profile and reiterated during the meeting. He also experienced a dry orgasm, a phenomenon he says happens about half the time with new partners and a quarter of the time when masturbating, which he disclosed to the partner.

After the encounter the partner cleaned up, told him to leave immediately, and ignored him while he got dressed, leaving the writer uncertain whether his limits were taken seriously. Columnists Jessica Stoya and Rich Juzwiak explore the partner’s possible motivations, note that dry orgasms can be medically benign but may warrant a doctor’s check-up, and advise that clear, repeated communication and walking away when limits are ignored are the best safeguards. They also suggest that the writer need not change his approach but should continue asserting his preferences directly.