How to Help a Partner Face Overdue Student Loans Without Overstepping

In response to a letter about a partner’s $20,000 student loan that has gone into collection, the advice column stresses that the obligation belongs to the borrower unless the couple has joint assets. The columnist recommends assisting with phone calls to the collector, as most debts can be negotiated, and determining whether the loans are federal—where deferment and income-based plans are possible—or private, which may be harder but still negotiable.

When finances are shared, the writer warns that the debt could affect shared accounts and suggests a candid conversation about that risk. She also urges the writer to examine personal feelings toward debt, recognizing that anxiety may be driving the urge to intervene. Overall, the guidance is to help logistically while respecting the partner’s primary responsibility.